Edd’s MANtra: Obsessed with Hollywood

Although 80 percent of you ladies out there hate her for no discernible reason, I always thought Beyonce was destined to take over Hollywood.

Remember when she starred in MTV’s Carmen nearly 10 (!) years ago? Yes, it was a horrible movie, but she has the look that Hollywood covets. And after a couple of roles here and there, she finally got her big shot at Hollywood dominance with “Dreamgirls.”

I remember her interviews during that time – you could practically see the Oscar statue dancing in her eyes.

Then Jennifer Hudson came and stole all her thunder.

Now don’t get me wrong, Ms. Hudson certainly wasn’t horrible, but I thought she was vastly overrated in “Dreamgirls.” She was a mean, heavy-set lady who yelled a lot – so what? We’ve got like three of them in my church’s choir.

Anyway, poor Beyonce was left out in the cold. Her next chance to shine was as Etta James in “Cadillac Records.” The movie was already in theaters THREE weeks before I realized it had been released so you know it was doomed for failure. What was up with the promotion? I see commercials for that stupid “Observe and Report” mall cop movie 10 times a night. And I’m sure Bey would like to forget about Etta threatening to “whoop her a**.”

I won’t forget though. That was hilarious.

Anyway, I guess Beyonce has given up on an Academy Award. Have you seen the previews for her newest film “Obsessed?” It looks like “Fatal Attraction,” except much, MUCH more ghetto.

Check out these choice lines from the trailer:

Beyonce to her husband: “That girl might be a lot of thangs, but she ain’t plain!”

Her husband replies: “I wouldn’t know, I only have eyes for you.”

Beyonce: “She was nekked in yo’ ho’tel room?!”

And the wifey’s favorite, courtesy of Beyonce: “You think you crazy?! I show you crazy!”

Yep, you can pay $8.99 to watch this Lifetime move in theaters next week. The most hilarious thing to me is that the woman who is after Beyonce’s husband in the movie is Ali Larter, better known as Niki from the TV show “Heroes.” If you haven’t seen “Heroes,” Niki is more or less a pissed-off Wonder Woman.

There ain’t no way Sasha Fierce can beat Niki in a fight. That’s like Paul Bunyan against RuPaul.

I guess Beyonce finally realized that getting an Oscar is a lot harder than getting a Grammy. Seeing that Nelly’s towel boy Murphy Lee has a Grammy, she’s certainly right. Plus we’re in a recession – a sista has to work, no matter now horrible the script.