Love Letters: The Babysitter’s Club

Awww, look at that pic above. Eddie loves the kids. As long as they aren’t mine.


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Here’s today’s question:

Should you continue to date a guy if you like him but don’t want to be bothered with his kids?


No Kidding Around, D.C.

Well, looks like it’s again time for me to irritate 90 percent of our audience…


One of my favorite songs from R&B jailbird Lyfe Jennings is called “She Got Kids.” I couldn’t find a link to the song that wouldn’t give your computer cyber syphilis, so I’ll provide the lyrics to the hook:


She got kids, don’t know if I’m ready to give
them the things that they need to live
Because if we become more than just friends
what I do for her I gotta do for them kids
And I just wanna make sure this is more than just a sexual trip
All I wanna do is prevent those kids from getting hurt again, yeah




Label me a heartless demon, but I have never dated a woman with kids. If you want to know why, refer to those lyrics above. I have all the respect in the world for single mothers, but when you date a single mother, you’re also dating her children.


What if you want to end the relationship but the child has become attached to you? Is it fair to put the child through the stress of a breakup? And of course, the ever-present Baby Mama Drama:





Sing it, Dave.


I certainly don’t want to discredit the hard work of single parents. They need love too. I just wasn’t ready to make the commitment to them AND their children. I didn’t want the kids to be innocent victims if things went sour. I have many friends who have dated – and married – people who had children from previous relationships. It worked because they were able to bond with their mate AND their children. It’s absolutely necessary.


Getting back to D.C.’s question, it looks like she’s been dating this guy awhile but the kids are driving a wedge between them. Sorry, D.C., but those kids are a part of that man’s life. You can’t have him and not accept the children. The best solution is to talk to your guy and tell him that you’re having trouble accepting his children. DO NOT make a ridiculous ultimatum like “it’s your kids or me!” because if he’s a decent man, he’s gonna pick his kids and leave you behind. However, if you’re really committed to making things work, discuss ways you can get to know his kids better in hopes of forming a better relationship.


If you have zero interest in his kids, then you’ll just have to move on. His priority should be with children. If you can’t accept that, you can’t accept him.