Love Letters: Is Age Nothing But A Number?

Need an objective party to sort out your love woes? Give me a holla. But be warned – y’all know I don’t hold back.


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Here’s today’s question:

Is a significant age difference a deal breaker in having a healthy relationship?


KJ

Let me share a brief story from my college years. I met a girl in my sociology class and I thought she was pretty fine. Obviously, she was feeling your boy too – she wasted no time getting to know me during the first day in class. We exchanged numbers and continued to talk casually.


A couple of weeks later, when I arrived to class I noticed she was sitting beside another guy. Of course I got all jealous – until I realized his mustache wasn’t fully grown and he had a juice box on his desk. That guy was her son, playing Pokemon on a Game Boy Color. NEVER in any of our conversations had she mentioned that she had a son, especially one who was almost as tall as me. In a couple of years, that boy could have been driving mom to class.


I later found out that girl was almost 10 years older than I was. She also was “going through the process of divorce,” i.e., she was still married. And she made it clear that she would soon be in the market for another husband. Gulp.


There were many, many things wrong with the scenario I just described but here’s what you should take away – yes, there was a major numerical age difference between me and Mrs. Jones but the real problem was we were at different places in our lives. She was a mom seeking an immediate commitment (even though she still married, but that’s a post for another day…); I was a young’n just looking to hang out. Even if we were both 19, if we had different agendas the relationship would not work.


Yes, when you date someone much younger or older, there’s a greater chance that your beau is mentally in a different place than you are. But that’s not always the case. My dad’s parents had an age difference of more than a decade, yet they were married for more than 40 years. And I have friends who have spouses much older than they are but the relationship still works because they are on the same wavelength.


An older woman trying to get a young wild dude to settle down is just as dangerous as an older woman trying to get an old pimp to settle down. Your mate’s level of commitment is more important than the math. In some ways, Aaliyah was correct about age being nothing but a number. Too bad she was wrong about R. Kelly.


Side note, ladies: I don’t care how “cute” they are or “mature” they seem, none of you have any business drooling over those R&B boys Mindless Behavior. I bet they have a bunch of juice boxes on their tour bus.