Love Letters: Ex-Factor

Wisdom from Family Matters. You can learn a thing or two from Steve Urkel:


Steve Urkel: Laura, this is a… a really special moment and… well, I think we should celebrate it by… getting married.
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: Engaged?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: Going steady?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: A date?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: A kiss?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: A handshake?
Laura: No.
Steve Urkel: I’ll see ya tomorrow?
Laura: Yeah.
Steve Urkel: I’ll take it.


Now there’s a man who isn’t hard to please.


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Here’s today’s question:

Is it OK to date your friends’ ex?


SE

Journey with me back to 1996, when my favorite rappers were still alive, and your favorite rappers were in diapers. Coincidentally, those rappers are using that same baby talk in their pitiful music today. But I digress.


Back in ’96, one of my closest friends broke up with his then-girlfriend, whom I also had a friendly relationship with. Immediately after getting dumped, ol’ girl tried to move on to the next best thing – moi. I immediately hesitated.


Don’t get me wrong, this girl was pretty attractive and was really cool, but it just didn’t seem right to pick up where my boy left off.


And no, I’m not talking about the ridiculous “sloppy seconds” label that we’re so quick to throw around. By definition, unless you’ve NEVER been in a prior relationship, everyone is someone’s sloppy seconds. Some of y’all are nasty nineteenths and mushy millionths. But sometimes, there are lingering feelings that remain attached to old relationships. Even though I was pretty sure my boy was over her, I didn’t want to add any additional strain.


Now I truthfully had no intention of dating this girl, however I still asked my boy if he would be OK if I did start a relationship with her. I just wanted to clear the air, so if word got back around that me and his ex were talking nothing looked shady. He was fine with me dating her, but again, I wasn’t. I wondered, “Is he really over her, or is he giving me his approval just to be a good friend?” My friendship was much more important than the risk.


If you’re attempting to date your friend’s ex immediately after they broke up, you’d better think again. That’s a surefire way to cause drama. But if a significant amount of time has passed (I’m talking six months to a year) and your friend has moved on, then perhaps you can explore the possibility – but only if your friend gives you the OK.


Now sure, you don’t need anyone’s approval – if you’re an adult you can date whomever you want. But remember, your friendship could be at risk. Is it really worth damaging for a new boo? It’s up to you.