Love Letters: Are Adults-Only Weddings Selfish?

Fall is fast approaching, and with cooler temps means boo season is upon us. But if you’ve got questions about your current snuggle bunny, hit your boy up.

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Here’s today’s question:

Do you think it’s selfish to have an adults-only wedding?

DL

You know, it just occurred to me that I’m a little over six months away from celebrating 10 years of marriage. I’m an OG when it comes to this matrimony thing, so before we dig into DL’s inquiry, allow me to share a few tidbits for you future broom-jumpers:

Keep your wedding party small if you value your sanity. Go ahead and let that random coworker and unreliable cousin in your wedding party if you want to — just don’t be surprised if they suddenly are “too broke” to buy a dress or “too busy” to make rehearsal. If you don’t trust them — or barely know you — they shouldn’t be strolling down the aisle before you do.

Marriage counseling is a must. Be sure your counselor is a person both you and your future spouse trust. And here’s the key — if counseling unveils some serious, lingering relationship issues, there is no shame in holding off the wedding. Trust me, it’s better to work out your problems before you start swapping last names. No matter how long you’ve been dating/shaking up/boo’d up, marriage comes with a whole new slate of issues. There’s no need to drag old baggage over the threshold.

And finally: Your wedding day is all about YOU and your soulmate, not anyone else.

That ties directly into DL’s question.

Now, when my wife and I got married, we knew our wedding guests ran the gamut of folks who looked like this:

To this:

To this:

We wanted to accommodate everyone so we adjusted accordingly. Our playlists were PG-13 (we had to stick with “Back That Thang Up” instead of the dreaded original version), we had a cash bar (to keep people from getting sloppy drunk — and because I’m cheap) and maintained a family atmosphere.

Keep in mind that we weren’t obligated to do this. It was our choice.

Your wedding may be different — it should be a reflection of your experiences, your relationship, your love. And if that means you want an adults-only wedding, feel free. That’s your prerogative. As long as guests are notified well in advance, it shouldn’t be an issue — and they should respect your decision. If your sister is mad because your little niece won’t be allowed in the door, that’s on her, playa. It’s your party, after all.

Folks are STILL mad at me about that cash bar.

Don’t let other people dictate your day, or your marriage. Ten years in the game taught me that.

What else y’all got for me today?

Do you believe the old saying is true: “If you can’t be with the one you want, love the one you’re with?”

KJ

Playa these fortune cookies have got y’all fooled. This is one of those fake-deep sayings that’s nowhere near as profound as it seems.

If you aren’t with the one you want WHY ARE YOU SETTLING FOR SECOND BEST? That’s not fair to you, nor the poor schmo you’re saddled up with.

Here’s how I’d rewrite that tired old proverb: “Be with the one you love. If not, stop wasting your time.”

Why can’t it be that simple?