Love Letters: Still Mama’s Baby

Got a love conundrum that’s keeping you up at night? Go to the experts.

But since experts are expensive, you’re better off asking me.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname.  

Here’s today’s question:

Is it cute if you meet a man that is 34 and still living at home with his parents?

Looking for More, SE

I’ve complained about the following subject before but I’ll gladly whine again. Whining is pretty high on my list of priorities, behind “eating red Sour Patch Kids” and “constantly reorganizing my iTunes track listing.”

See, back in 1999, there was a song released by a great group that quickly became the bane of my existence.

Exhibit A, these lyrics:

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
If you live at home wit’ your momma
Oh yes son I’m talking to you (baby)
If you have a shorty but you don’t show love
Oh yes son I’m talking to you
Wanna get with me with no money
Oh no I don’t want no (oh)

Before someone yells at me for missing the point of the song (ahem, the wifey), I understand what TLC was saying. Women don’t want a man they have to support and are looking for a motivated guy. I feel that. The problem with this song – and the dozens of clones that followed – is that many WOMEN missed the point. To them, any man who won’t hand over his check is a scrub. Is every woman who enjoys the club promiscuous? Is every woman who enjoys designer clothes a gold digger?

But I digress. Sorry, that whole “scrubs” era is still a sore spot.

Back to your question. So your potential guy is 34 and still lives with moms. It could mean “he don’t have a car and he’s walkin’/and he has a shorty he don’t show love to” or it could mean he’s just fallen upon hard times and is working to better himself.

The only way to know for sure is to learn more about his situation. Is he sitting around the house STILL complaining that he can’t get a job because of Bush? Has he been saying he’s on the verge of going back to school for seven years now? If you’re tripping over Xbox controllers while dude’s mom is folding his laundry, you might have a problem on your hands. But if this man is clearly working to better his future, or perhaps is even helping out his parents during tough times, I think that speaks volumes about his character. He could be worth a shot.

Don’t judge a guy by an old R&B song. You could be missing out on a great catch.

Of course, if he’s 34 and has to ask his dad’s permission to get cookies from the jar in the kitchen, then toss that scrub.