Love Letters: Why Do Women Try To Fix Their Men?

Before we get into the proceedings this evenin’, here’s a PSA from ETB to Y.O.U.:

Never, ever, EVER assume a woman is pregnant. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve witnessed men (and women!) jump to conclusions and assume that just because a lady has put on a couple of pounds that she’s with child. Needless to say, it’s lead to some embarrassing apologies.

Unless someone tells you your coworker Becky is expecting (or better yet, unless Becky announces it herself) keep your garbage disposal shut. Becky might not be putting on baby weight, but those extra pounds will hurt when they come crashing across your jaw.

Now, after that piece of unsolicited advice, let’s get to the solicited stuff.

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Here’s today’s question:

Why are some women “fixers?” When I say “fixer” I mean why is it that some women fall for men they know are not worth their time and they try to mold them into what they want him to be?

The Quicker Fixer-Upper

Playa, if I had a quarter every time I heard a woman say “he’s got potential, I can work with that,” I’d look like this guy:

Many of y’all are guilty of treating relationships like a Build-A-Bear workshop. You see a couple of qualities you like (‘He got a nice job! And he got abs!’) and you convince yourself that you can somehow get all Charles Xavier on him and mind-wipe all the truly horrible qualities away (‘He’s a disrespectful misogynistic bully who doesn’t take care of his kids and thinks Future is the hottest rapper in the game today but we can make it work!’). That way you can finally have that dream relationship.

But K. Michelle already told y’all you can’t raise a man. The older we get, the harder it is to get us to change our ways.

Ladies, I’ll put it in bold AND caps so you can feel me:

TYLER PERRY LIED TO YOU. THERE IS NO PERFECT MAN.

We are all flawed and, yes, the key to a solid relationship is to accept those flaws and make up for your mate’s shortcomings. But when those flaws are detrimental to your relationship, you need to reconsider your options. Because you can’t make over a grown man.

That’s not to say a man can’t change. Despite what your bitter best friend told you, men CAN change, but that person has to WANT to change. No manner of social media psychology or voodoo spells you try to concoct will do that.

Lots of female “fixers” see a man as clay that they can mold into their perfect relationship. It’s not only a waste of time, but it’s also unfair to make a man into something he’s not. Ladies, your man should be your rock, not Play-Doh.

One more for the road:

Should I be leery of a 38-year-old man that is driving with his seat back like a teenager?

Uncomfortable Woman

Let me find out grown men are sunk down in their seats like an early ’90s John Singleton movie. Unless that brother just had spinal surgery, please kick him to the curb. Good lord, y’all need to do better.