Love Letters: Getting Involved with Babydaddies

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It’s time for our weekly battle with cupid. Is there a question about your love life that’s keeping you up at night? Allow me to butt into your business.

Send your inquiries to edward@soulinstereo.com, or find me on twitter @etbowser. Just provide your initials, or a fun nickname. 

Here’s today’s question: 

Is it smart to get involved with a man with a newborn baby?

DW

Let’s flash back to the early stages of the millennium, when R&B was still good, Rick Ross was building his drug empire working as a corrections officer and yours truly was Va’s most eligible bachelor. Even though I was an equal-opportunity playa when it came to the world of dating, I had two big turnoffs: heavy smokers and babymommas. Smokers were a no-go because of my asthma and I didn’t want my car to smell like a 4th of July cookout. I’m not trying to hang out in the Dragon’s Lair.

Women with children were a sticker situation. I respect everything a single mother goes through but the baggage, quite frankly, scared me.

No, I don’t mean the stereotype that babymommas are money-hungry loudmouths looking for a free ride with their jealous ex’s (there are plenty of single women who fit that description). As many of you know, I’ve worked in youth ministry for nearly half my life and kids get attached to me extremely easily. The last thing I wanted was to develop a bond with a child if the relationship with mom went south. If things didn’t work out with me and moms, the child would wind up a victim. My boy Lyfe Jennings summed up my feelings perfectly here:

But that was just my personal preference. Certainly, caution has to be used when entering a relationship with someone who has a child but it shouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. One of my best friends recently married a man who had a child from another relationship and they’re now a happy family.

If you’re trying to get involved with a man who has a newborn, you have to give him space and allow him to be a father. Specifically, that means not hassling him when he spends time with the child’s mother and family. You have to realize that his baby is No. 1 and you’re No. 2. It CAN work but you have to have an open mind and encourage him to be there for his child. If you’re too selfish to do that or have other fears, there’s nothing wrong with stepping away before things get too serious. That’s a lesson Edd 2000 learned.

And now that I’ve probably alienated all my single-parent readers, watch me try to redeem myself in the Bonus Round:

If a guy says you’re sexy is he saying that he just wants to go to bed with you?

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We’ve discussed this before – it comes down to the Jerome Test.

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If a guy who looks like THAT comes up to you, smelling of Cool Water and baby-back ribs, and says “GULLL U SO SEXXXY” you can be sure that he has his Trey Songz 8-tracks ready for you at the crib.

I think it’s pretty easy to tell sincerity from a pick-up line if you use common sense. If the guy has given you reason to think he’s trying to seduce you, he probably is. But don’t write off ALL compliments as lame lines. Just accept the compliment graciously. And watch out for the Jheri curl drippings.