Take It Outside: Brandy Vs. Monica

Have you heard Brandy’s new song “Right Here?” Sadly it’s nowhere near as good as SWV’s

“Right Here” – you know, the one with Michael Jackson wailing in the background.
Back when I was in high school, Brandy’s chief competition came from fellow R&B PYT Monica. At my school, girls were only allowed to like one or the other – nearly everyone sided with Monica and despised Brandy. Why? Who knows. Sort of like how everyone wanted Jennifer Hudson to beat up Beyonce when Dreamgirls came out.

But I digress. Let’s see how B-Rocka and Mo’s last albums match up.

Album covers: Brandy’s going for simplicity here, which I’m cool with, but why is her bra showing like that? Or is that part of her outfit? We men are often confused about that stuff. We don’t want to say “hey, nice shirt” only to get a response like “that’s my bra, pervert!” And speaking of confused, WHAT IS UP with Monica’s cover? Is she into bondage porn?

Brandy 1, Monica 0

Album quality: Both these albums are very underrated, and for some reason, very ghetto. Afrodisiac, released in 2004, was mostly produced by my man Timbaland, who can turn nearly anything into a hit. His one flaw is that his beats sometime overshadow an artist, but he did a great job here of crafting beats that compliment Brandy’s vocals. The attitude displayed on tracks like “Who Is She 2 U” and “I Tried” might be overbearing at times, but nearly all the tracks sound great.

And speaking of attitude, 2006’s The Makings Of Me has PLENTY of it. The song titles say it all – “Raw,” “Hell No (Leave Home),” “Why Her.” I always liked Monica’s voice and it still sounds good here – when she’s not rapping. Actually, most of her raps are good in the “so bad they’re good” category. Like Afrodisiac though, the constant attitude gets old. Why y’all so mad?

This is a really close one, but I think Monica’s album is slightly more daring. But check out both.

Brandy 1, Monica 1

Sales: Times are tough for established artists. Ask Janet.

Both albums were commercial disappointments. Afrodisiac sold a little over 400,000, which isn’t even gold status. Poor Monica sold about half that amount.

Brandy 2, Monica 1

Celebrity boyfriends: Remember when Brandy went to the prom with Kobe Bryant? She also dated Wanya Morris from Boyz II Men for a minute. I remember a lot of girls hating on her for that. Hmmm.

Meanwhile, Monica dated Young Buck and had a baby by that guy from that brainless “Umma Do Me” song. You do the math.

One thing is for sure, neither woman is concerned about looks.

Brandy 3, Monica 1

TV roles: Anyone who tries to say “Moesha” wasn’t off the hook is a liar and the truth is not in them. Y’all missed church Sunday morning if you don’t get that reference. Anyway, the show got stupid once they shoehorned man-whore Ray-J into it but I miss wholesome black sitcoms like “Moesha.” And although she looked like Kermit at the time, she wasn’t bad on “Thea” either. I also remember her starring in a much-hyped TV version of Cinderella with Whitney as her Fairy Godmother. I bet Whitney was trying to snort the fairy dust.

Remember when Monica was on that episode of Living Single? She wondered why Queen Latifah and the gang didn’t use 2-ply toilet paper. Much like toilet paper, that’s a pretty flimsy resume.

Brandy 4, Monica 1

Most ghettoest lyrics: Here’s the hook from Brandy’s song “Sadiddy”:

If you say it, I will do it, no I ain’t sadiddy
If you cross me, I guarantee you it, won’t be pretty
If you want it, I will give it to you, I ain’t sadiddy
I be wildin’, I know it ain’t easy to get with me

Did you know sadiddy isn’t a real word? Me neither. If bling bling and bootylicious can get in the dictionary, we need to make a case for sadiddy.

And this is from Monica’s “Sideline Ho”:

You’se a ho, you’se a ho, sideline ho

you’se a sideline ho, sideline ho

You’se a ho, you’se a ho, sideline ho

you’se a sideline ho, sideline ho

Why couldn’t we sing songs like that in elementary school chorus?

Brandy 4, Monica 2

Legacy: Anyone under 22 might find this hard to believe, but there was a time that Brandy was huge – bigger than Beyonce, Rihanna, and that girl from ATL that everyone likes for some reason. Brandy was the industry’s measuring stick. Monica might be a better vocalist but she never achieved the universal appeal of her rival. Maybe that’s where all the jealousy comes from.

Brandy 5, Monica 2

B-Rocka beats up on Monica pretty bad.