Edd’s MANtra: Get out of jail free

A couple of weeks ago, long-lost Fugees hanger-on John Forte was pardoned by President Bush.

Who knew Bush was a Fugees fan?

That got me thinking – there are a bunch of hip-hop stars currently doing time. Who else should Bush give a second chance? Let’s see:

Mystikal
You might remember him as: The loud-mouthed rapper with tarantula-like braids. He made his mark as one of Master P’s cronies in the late 90s before dropping hits like “Danger” and “Shake It Fast.” He used to rap like he had Tourette syndrome.

What he did: In 2004 he was sentenced to six years for forcing his stylist to perform sex acts with him and his boys after he accused her of stealing his money. Although he initially denied the charges, the moron had recorded the acts and the tape was found in his home.

Should he be free?: Playa, please. He’s lucky he didn’t get thrown in “Oz” with Adebisi and Schillinger. It’s bad enough to sexually assault a woman – he should have gotten 10 extra years for being dumb enough to record the thing.

Remy Ma
You might remember her as: “The next big female rapper” back in 2004, making her mark on “Lean Back” with Fat Joe. Her debut album was released a couple of years later. Although it was a pretty good album, it didn’t sell much. And as we all know, sales are more important than talent.

What she did: Earlier this year, she was sentenced to eight years in prison in connection with a shooting ’07 shooting outside a nightclub.

Should she be free?: Nope. Wanna know why? While serving her term, she planned to marry her finance, down-on-his-luck mixtape rapper Papoose, in jail. I had no problem with that, until I heard he got busted for trying to smuggle handcuff keys into the prison. Good lord, give BOTH of them the chair for that stupid stunt. What were they going to do after he uncuffed her? Run into a locked cell?

Black Rob
You might remember him as: The so-called “savior”of Bad Boy Records after Biggie’s death and Mase’s call to ministry (cough). He had that one song, “Whoa.” That’s about it.

What he did: Caught seven years for skipping a court date after being charged with stealing a thousands of dollars worth of jewelry from a hotel room.

Should he be free?: Not really. What’s he going to do, make a “Whoa” remix? He already did that, like three times.

Shyne
You might remember him as: Yet another Diddy protege and Biggie sound-alike who did all those songs with “Mr. Diddly-whoa” Barrington Levy. I never really got the Biggie comparisons – they rap at the same pitch but that’s it. It’s like saying I look like Plies because we have the same haircut.

And I’ll seriously hurt anyone who says I look like Plies.

What he did: Convicted of first-degree assault and reckless endangerment after a 1999 shooting at a club. Why do all these incidents occur at clubs? Anyway, Diddy and his bodyguard were acquitted but Shyne got 10 years.

Should he be free?: I think so, he has served nearly all his time anyway and I bet he’s learned his lesson – stay away from Puffy!